Songs, instrumentals and a few covers...

Over the course of 3 years and 2 months Pocus Whiteface wrote and finished 28 songs. 24 of them were on official releases and the other four featured on demos available on CD or via download; three were released in alternate versions on compilations.

All the songs were written by the band as a whole, though one of us may have come with an initial idea. Theo often wrote lyrics by improvisation and then listened back to recordings to work out the best set; as a result several songs had slightly different lyrics on every performance and what's laid out here can't be considered 'definitive'.

Songs are listed roughly in the order in which they were first conceived, even if it took a long time to create the finished song.

On top of this, the band covered songs by Nirvana, Afghan Whigs, Neil Young, Supergrass, Brontosaurus Chorus, Junkplanet II and Dino!Soars. You'll be forgiven for not recognising any of the last three, but they're still great bands whom we were proud to cover.

Hypnic Jerk

A hypnic jerk is that sudden spasm you get when you're just drifting off to sleep. It's something that seems to plague all of us at various times and Theo decided to turn it into lyrics to this track. There are a number of theories about why it happens, see the Wikipedia page for more info:

This was the final track finished by Pocus Whiteface, shortly before splitting up, so will only be released as a demo download.

This is a story all about when,
You're trying to sleep but suddenly then,
You're hit by a spasm, a jerk of sorts,
And left all alone WITH ONLY DARK THOUGHTS!

Brain let me sleep, let me sleep, let me not awaken now,
I won't drown, I won't fall, I won't see you in hell! x2

Hypnic. Jerk.
Hypnic. Jerk.

JERK! Where's my head?
JERK! Where did my sheet go?
JERK! Where's my leg?
JERK! What did you say?

Brain let me sleep, let me sleep, let me not awaken now,
I won't drown, I won't fall, I won't see you in hell! x2


This took most of a year to put into shape, mainly because Theo's original guitar line was pretty bad and had to be dropped entirely. The lyrics to the song are generally based on this article in the Guardian: about the underground group the UX, of whom Untergunther is a part, that specialise in guerilla art and culture events and restorations.

This was the penultimate song Pocus Whiteface finished before splitting up so will only be available as a free demo.

Great White Porcelain God

This is an ultra-short little instrumental piece we just hacked together one session. It's fun and only about a minute in length.


When an article on Real Superheroes ( was posted on a forum we really wanted a song with lyrics about it. There was a rough idea for a rhythm and verse that we built it all up from.

(He said)
There's something wrong with this community
It's time to show my humanity
Pull on a hood and take a stand
A shiny glove, over your hand

This shit's for real x3
It’s for real

Pull on a cloak, zip up a suit
Check your colour: be sure to shout
Got an hour on the meter here
Anything I can do to help out?

This shit's for real x6
It’s for real

An ex-wrestler friend made my costume
I saw you check it out across the room
Could this be a trap from a villain?
I'd tread carefully around these parts man

This shit's for real x3

1000 Fans

Joe brought a complete piece to the band and then we all set about taking it to pieces, playing it faster and putting it back together in a slightly different order. We'd all recently read and enjoyed this article - - and so lyrics written about it were requested. Strangely it wasn't that hard:

I'm a micro-celebrity
You won't have read about me
Oh but you will: yes you can
And I need you just like Uncle Sam

Welcome to the long tail (a thousand)
Welcome to the long tail (fans)

I'm a consumer: I consume
To keep you from out of the red
Gimme the new! Cash is my boon.

Escaping from the long tail (a thousand)
Escaping from the long tail (a thousand)

Pledge yourself to our art
Who needs anything to chart now

Now you've left the long tail (a thousand)
You must have a thousand (fans)


For the Brit-Pop-Art show we covered Supergrass' Lenny. It wasn't a great version, mainly because Theo found it hard to sing and play and when we did it live the nervousness showed.


This is the second of two Neil Young covers we did for The 'On Fire' Neil Young tribute gig at The Windmill. Again Joe played lead guitar instead of drums and Raul hit the skins.

Tonight's The Night

This is the first of two Neil Young covers we did for The 'On Fire' Neil Young tribute gig at The Windmill. We really needed two guitars for this so Joe played guitar instead of drums and we got our old friend Raul in to drum with us.

The War of Don Corleone's Three Parts

The title's a play on the novel by Louis de Bernieres. The lyrics reflect Theo's heretical view that Godfather Part III isn't actually that bad but they're pretty self-explanatory. The 'opera' bit just came about through jamming and because of seeing Qui play a few nights earlier and liking their vocal ideas. That was part of what led to the subject matter of the rest of the song.

She said: let's talk about the trilogy
I said: go on let's talk about it
She said: I’ll do it 30 seconds flat
I said: go on, go on then

Someone gets shot, someone speaks Italian
Someone mumbles, someone gets shot
Someone wears a nice suit and they get shot
Someone mumbles, someone speaks Italian

And then the third one:
He gets some heart
Becomes regretful
And then there's OPERA!

You Cooked His 5s

Briefly titled 'A Song In (n) Parts', due to the amount of different bits we put into it, it took about 40 sessions to bring this to the point where we were prepared to play it in front of an audience. It has a slightly creepy feel with a touch of Neil Young just to confound things.

The cave is damp and haunting
The shells collect within a pile
The woman's bottle bottom glasses
Her sinister air

1-2-3 Knock on the Wall (x3)

The guests all wear animal faces
Now a pig and now a goat
Now there is a haunting whistle
Now there is a sacking face

Now We're Making Out (originally by Brontosaurus Chorus)

While we were in the mood for covers PopArt mooted the Christmas covers charity album, wherein bands who've played PopArt clubs cover other bands who've played PopArt clubs. We'd already been thinking of trying to cover "the Chorus" so it was an ideal opportunity. Our version is noisier, faster and shorter than theirs and Theo puts on a sort of deep club singer voice for it that's never surfaced in a Pocus song.

Giant Isopods Ate My Well-Known Brand Of Corn Chips

This is our song for the forthcoming compilation "Songs About Giant Isopods" that was the brainchild of Pagan Wanderer Lu. There are 18 tracks in all and ours is one of the few loud, fast ones. Werk, who did the cover of our 1st EP (and also the cover of this album) has done a track for it too.

See our video section for the video to this song.

Lyrics are as follows:
Where’s the Kraken? Where's the Kraken?

Got my surfboard
And I paint a,
And I paint a 666 on it
And I wax it good
Looking for the tube
Eating a well-known brand of corn chips
But my friends, they're not protected
Because they ain't got the sign of the BEAST on their board
And when it comes
When he comes
They're gonna be saying
"Where's the Kraken?
"Where's the Kraken? Where's the Kraken?"
All tentacles and the snapping beak
"Where's the Kraken? Where's the Kraken?"
It'll eat you dead!

Then my friends all start telling me of a new horror
Something like a woodlouse
Ugly face: carapace
Big claws, snapping jaws
What is this thing?
Oh my god, do I really want to see?
Do I really?

Where's the Isopod? Where's the Isopod? Where's the Isopod?
(It's behind you!)

And I look down and oh my god there it is
On my…On my surfboard
And it's going for my feet
Oh no! And I drop my well-known brand of corn chips
And then it goes for them
It's eating them
Time for me to kick it away
Oh god and it's

Giant Isopod, Giant Isopod?
What the hell are you?
Giant Isopod, where you from?
Certainly not THIS geological era!
Giant Isopod, Giant Isopod
Giant Isopod, Giant Isopod
You're really scary!

Giant Isopod vs. Kraken
I think we know who'll win
Giant Isopod vs. Kraken
This shit's SCARY!
Giant Isopod, Giant Isopod
You know it
Giant Isopod, we bow before you
You're the king!
Giant Isopods Compilation

The Half-Life (originally by Junkplanet II)

As the comments for Stomp in the Swamp say, we decided to try covering bands we liked and Junkplanet II had played for us on one of our shows. This was a track of theirs that seemed simple and fun to try to cover. It turned out Theo got the lyrics wrong, however. Whoops. The original's better but this is a pretty decent stab at it (lyrics aside) we reckon.
Junkplanet's MySpace

Stomp in the Swamp (originally by Dino!Soars)

After doing some covers earlier in the year for SubPopArt we decided to try to cover some songs by bands/artists we liked who were unsigned. We only got as far as two, unfortunately. This is a cover of Stomp in the Swamp by Dino!Soars. See the link before for their Last.FM. This take was just done live in the studio.
Dino!Soars on Last.FM

Time Machines Can Be Dangerous For Your Mental Health

The lyrics are based upon an unused idea Theo had for a novel a long time ago but it was never possible to see how to write it in a way to get around obvious plot holes nor how to make it a fully fledged tale. The story was eventually written up in December 2008 as a short tale, about 4000 words long. The story is based upon the idea that if you travelled through time and met yourself you would be able to communicate telepathically. Unfortunately in this tale the future self is clinically insane.

The song had the longest gestation period of any to date (Feb 2009) with the possible exception of 'You Cooked His 5s', though it did get played in an earlier, longer and more complex form. The final version is a lean track coming in under two minutes.

You don't, you don't know her
You don't, know where she is
What did, what did you hear?
Was that, was that a SCREAM?

Where is he now?
Where has, where has SHE gone?
You must go down your stairs
Down there, there’s a
What if
what if
what if
You met
What would you learn
And What would you
You can read minds
Ah You can read your
In the sanatorium’s
Where you'll

Where are, where are YOU now?
When is, when is THIS now?
Oh no, it’s the future
You must, must be careful!

And now, you have got to
Be carf, careful OF him,
You know, know what happens
Oh no, oh no here he comes!

Hair Like Gold

A song about nothing in particular but referencing false people at times. It's written a big Sonic Youth style. The chorus is in French because it seemed lyrically less like a big block of cheese to do it that way.

And her hair like gold
Sunshine on the ice
You never felt so old
Two minutes: you try to be nice
An a blazer away
Twenty stripes feeling like fingers
She drinks her whisky neat
In her mouth a sweetness still lingers

Garde un oeil ouvert, une main sur ton épée
Garde un oeil ouvert, une main sur tes livres
Garde un oeil ouvert, une main sur ta stylo
Garde un oeil ouvert, une main sur tes livres

And his mind still hurts
From the pressures of modern society
And his brain's still wizened
From the adverts in variety
You need a sheepdog close ter
keep your friends from obscurity
An There's an obscene man's note
And it’s masquerading as news on security

I'm Her Slave

This is one of two covers we learnt for the SubPopArt club on Sunday 10th June. The theme was grunge/Sub Pop so we picked this Afghan Whigs track from their Congregation album. This recording comes from the last rehearsal we did before the gig.
Download track

Territorial Pissings

This is one of two covers we learnt for the SubPopArt club on Sunday 10th June. The theme was grunge/Sub Pop and we decided we should have a fallback song in case the strange timings and lack of familiarity with the Afghan Whigs song meant we couldn't play it. As far as quick, easy, grunge covers go, Territorial Pissings can't really be beaten. We didn't bother trying to recreate the screaming intro.
Download track

Uncle Jack

The title is a shortening of a phrase to point out the importance of grammar that Joe used as a temporary title. The difference in meaning between:
  • I helped my uncle jack off a horse
  • I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse

and eventually it just got shortened down. The song has a complex drum/bass switch over midway through, then Theo rants about a dream he had where he was in his kitchen being watched by a black and white cat as he made food. The kitchen was surreally just on Hampstead Heath, with two walls there and the other two open to the grass, like something out of a Monty Python sketch. The tomatoes in the pasta had been out of the fridge for 15 days and big fat insects kept crawling out that he had to squash and kill.

The Joys of an English Summer

This is an instrumental involving some nice loops and a good bass hook. For a long time it was called 'Four Plus Two is Six', in various forms such as, 'fourplustwoissix' or '4+2=6', due to the time signatures. However, Will noted it had a sense of tranquility that descends into chaos and nothing's more like that than an English summer day turning to shit as hail comes down or something.

Keeps You from Mine

A shoe-gazy big delayed monster of a track with a smokey feel. There aren't really any lyrics between the big choruses but Theo is yelping something in a high-pitched voice, we're sure. It's a lot better in actuality than this description sounds like it will be.

Dr. Emery's First Law of Arse

While Theo was walking with his friend Dr. Emery, the latter coined this phrase with reference to his having decided that the more you walked the more beer you were entitled to consume without consequence later on. The lyrics are about that walk.

Follow canal
Down the railway line
A mist rolls in
But you're doing fine
And it's time for
And a dog barks
But it's chained up
And your feet are wet
But you're almost home
And it's time for
Do you deserve it?

A Lurking Fear

This is a tribute to reading HP Lovecraft, lyrically at least, but it's a got a long brooding build up before we get to the lyrics and all that's sung is: I'm afraid, and you're afraid. We both know what he done, we all know what he's capable of. A lurking fear, a scaly thing. A thing of eyes: Antediluvial. After that there's a section involving drum sticks being hit against guitars and bassists taking their time before returning to the song.

Quiet Time Before Thunder

The title is a somewhat literal interpretation of 'the quiet before the storm' that someone we know came up with. The lyrics are mostly worked out apart from the end of each verse, which Theo just makes up every time. The main bulk is inspired by Will's talk of a dictator who had controlled the population to a massive degree and Theo thinking on that.

Your child is an animal
Your gift: a political manual
You tried to give us all
You tried to keep us all
These thoughts aren't friends to you
Your viewpoint's quite skewed
... ... ...
Time runs as arrow point only one way out of here and you can hear the rain hit

Some Kind of Pocus

This is a new track from our second demo. There are no lyrics only a section where Theo makes nonsense noises, mainly because that sounded much better than whatever he was trying to say on the initial recording.

Joe Knows Nothing

The fourth track from Demo #2 is named and written by Joe, we would like to point out. It's about paranoia in modern society, or something.

Eager to give you “credit” and
That’s not just your rights you’re signing away
This debt’s paid in blood
Hey buddy, you like to Gamble?
That’s not your rights you signed away
The bigger the bill, the stronger the handle

Buy, buy, buy. Buy, buy, buy, Die!
Keep ‘em safe; keep ‘em quiet!

“Cash will soon be a thing of the past,”
They say
Why wait? Ditch those filthy lucre
Coins now
I’ve got new ways to keep you
A record of all that you bought
All you loved and all you thought

Buy, buy, buy. Buy, buy, buy, Die!
Keep ‘em safe; keep ‘em quiet!

…because it wouldn’t do to rattle the cage!

Another log on is another log on the fire…
Hey mate, can I interest you in some interest?
Very competitive rates…
Consolidate all your little paranoias...
Into one, big, fucking FEAR

Aardvark BBQ

The second song from Demo #2 is a working of a track by Joe. The name comes from a conversation about possible bandnames and getting one that would naturally sit at the top of an alphabetical list. Clearly 'aardvark aardvark' was dismissed as too 'gimicky'. There are a lot of 'ands' in the lyrics because they were ad-libbed by Theo: "I had a rough narrative in my head that was about someone in the Mafia in the 30s going to give himself up and give evidence against the rest of the organisation, and their journey to meet the authorities."

And your confession's in your pocket
And your best suit on your back
And your shoes they shine like gold
And you're feeling oh the age
And you're looking around you
And you remember you learnt it well
You learnt it by rote
You can put the emotion in

And your tears feel like acid
And your throat feels constricted
And you know you're no good now
And you know they've got you down

And you can't keep them off your back
What's that you see there?
Two guys in sharp suits
Two guys who are sharp shoots
And you know they've cornered you
And you run down the alley way
Jump in a doorway
You hope they don't catch you anyway

And your tears feel like acid
And your throat feels constricted
And you know you're no good now
And you know they've got you down

On your knees…

And you know they're after you
They're going to crush you dead for sure
Give 'em both barrels to the eyes
Give 'em both barrels to the face
And they jump all over you
And they rush to get you down
Taken by the enemy
Taken by the enemy

And your tears are like acid
And the blood is so salty
And you're spitting teeth now
And you're going to have to give it up

On your knees…

You're Full of Shit But We Like You Like That

The third track from Demo #2 is a song about those people you know who lie and everyone knows they do it but you're still friends. Plus some other stuff, as a quick look over the lyrics will show.

Lie to me again
Tell another story of when you met that man
Hey hey we know you're full of shit
That's okay but we like you like that

Your Lies are hard to understand
Among friends there's really no reason
I guess it's schooled into you
One form of defence against life

Where do you think your going?
Without your colours on?
Don't you know there's a war on out there?
Every bullet has your name on

To hell with melanoma,
I'm playing chicken with the sun
Here comes another coma
You're going to see the next run
The girl's with me now
See her pose in that costume
Out the way you loser
I'll see you in your bedsit room

He Had a Tremendous Wang, Apparently.

He Had a Tremendous Wang, Apparently is on our EP A Watch Means Conditions Are Favourable. Download it for free from

This was a song we only jammed a couple of times in rehearsals but luckily we had this recording. When we were doing the EP we wanted something extra to put in and stumbled across this six and a half minute take. We chopped it down, removing the vast majority of mistakes and the result is this track. The lyrics are all about Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut (and the title's a direct quote from that book). It's a short but great read, and well worth taking a look at.

Big Red

Big Red is on our EP A Watch Means Conditions Are Favourable. Download it for free from The 'big red' in question is just an attempt to describe a London bus in an abstract way and not a reference to 'Big Red' on Holloway Road, which didn't even exist back then. The lyrics are just meant to evoke a sense of summer.

Top deck of the Big Red drifting west
Steel gleams in the rays as
The tide flows out of the day
Leaving the shingle and daze
In the heat haze tarmac shifts and bucks
Dust floating brown like sees the mote
As the water flows out of the day
You turn to me and you say…

And the day has warmed us
And the tide has worn us smoothly

Rocks crash and crack with a hiss
Laughter rings from the kids
As a stupor invades this land
Your mind sinks into the sand
Cool breezes welcome you home
Hard to see in the glare
And the water flows out of the day
Leaving the salt as you turn to me and you say…

But it's Home

This is available on 7" now and you can preview it over at our Last.FM Page. Theo writes: "This song is all about my room in a shared flat. There was a window sill I used to store my VHS (in their dying days before DVD replacement) and some books but the effects of constant condensation and sunlight slowly ruined it all." Lyrics:

Tapes are destined to fuzz
Magnetic particles move slow
Over time we're gonna lose the past
See a vision through the snow

And the books are fading in the sun
Pages yellow, colours start to run
Plastics crack and begin to crumble

Scratched up frames make a picture good
Bleached out polaroids bring back
Thoughts long gone and a note ignored
Ink worn brown from its black

I enjoy picking cobwebs
Blow the dust from the crevices
Sweep it out give yourself red eyes
From the past here’s the messages

Random Bayesian Spam Filter Beater

Random Bayesian Spam Filter Beater is on our EP A Watch Means Conditions Are Favourable. Download it for free from

A random Bayesian spam filter beater is what our name comes from: when you get spam you'll sometimes notice a huge selection of text at the end or beginning or even the title that contains a seemingly random selection of common words. The idea is that your spam filter will see these and presume this is actually an email you want. The lyrics to this song are a collection of nonsense words taken from one of these blocks. This is the block the lyrics are taken from:

male on sky may cold but motion and mass it male but insect may twist it's able and debt not kettle not self in stage but behaviour see early some minute try authority ! bent but bed the receipt but pen ! education ! cough a ship be example , time it committee gray a egg in window protest in seed in vessel a chief the snow and sneeze and group try attempt and or wind see library may manager not leaf on authority it business , shoe try form , solid some map the able ! wire a thunder a month or twist

A hairy man is a happy man, a hairy woman is a witch!

A hairy man is a happy man, a hairy woman is a witch! is on our EP A Watch Means Conditions Are Favourable. Download it for free from

This is an instrumental and, like the band name, this title comes from a line in a spam email that we liked.

a beach, a flag, a doctrine

A Beach, a Flag, a Doctrine is on our EP A Watch Means Conditions Are Favourable. Download it for free from

There aren't any lyrics set down for this but they follow the same story and so each take was different. But there is a video based on the lyrics used in the Hremig version which can be seen in our Videos section or at our YouTube site. People don't always seem to get the video: the song is meant to be about colonialism but a sort of abstract version of it so you shouldn't feel sorry for our 'hero' since he's really enforcing his culture on others.

This Room Spins

This is available on 7" now and you can download it over at our Last.FM Page. Theo writes: "I used to run gigs upstairs at the Enterprise before it got 'posh' and we did a great one up there where we were able to pay all the bands loads (we just split the door takings) and it was like a sweatbox. The lyrics are kind of about that and general thoughts on the whole thing." Lyrics :

And I'm feeling quite faint
This room spins faster than it should
Sunlight Streaming in
Patterns on my retina

Everything you do is a waste of space
Everything you do is a waste of time

Counting the coins as they drop is fun
How many drunks fall in without meaning to
People I don't know are here and I scream
Have I succeeded?

There's a video for this on our YouTube page and it's linked in our Videos section above.

Pound the Flesh

Pound the Flesh is on our EP A Watch Means Conditions Are Favourable. Download it for free from This song is vaguely inspired by the movie Seven, with each of the six verses being about a different sin (in order): Greed, Averice, Pride, Wrath, Gluttony, Sloth. The title is an allusion to the seventh sin of Lust.

You've come for your pound of flesh
Well I know your greed is quite a stench

You've cast your beady eyes over
Finery you perceive as mine

Nose slashed across your face
To keep you beauty down beneath our hate

Revenge yourself on me
Claws gleam and I am conscience free

You're here to eat your fill
But you'll bend the truth until it is your will

A final spiteful rage
Is quelled by your indifferent page
Download from